That is the phrase I have absolutely HATED the last 8 months of my life. Yes, God. I believe that it will happen in your timing. But God, why am I waiting so long?!?
I have had multiple people praying for me including my Nana. Those who have prayed have all given me the word that it will happen in His time. Another friend prayed for me last week and came back to me saying that they KNOW it’s gonna happen. I asked them when and they said they didn’t have the time frame but it was going to happen! They were so sure of it.
This month is my first round of Clomid. And boy, have I been a….well you can fill that blank in with whatever word you’d like…and it will probably fit! I’ve been ALL OVER THE PLACE with my mood.
In order to share something AMAZING that just came to my mind, I have to back up a little. I’m a Christ-follower. You can probably gleam that from all my other posts (I hope). Because of that, I believe that God created my body and my soul to be intimate with one person on this earth: my husband. That was the best case scenario for my life. However, I messed it up a little. On March 21, 2008 I decided I knew better and that I was in love with someone at 17 years old. On that day, I gave that piece of myself to someone who was not at all the right person. It certainly wasn’t the right time. I was devastated and through a series of events I won’t get into, I broke up with him and went off to college.
For a long time I was anxious about ever finding someone who shared my faith that wouldn’t care about that part of my past. I met someone who shared her story with me and allowed me to release that baggage by explaining how God had redeemed her and made her new. Thankfully, I wholeheartedly believed her and told God to help me find that person and never waste my heart with anyone else until then. In December of 2009 I met P and we instantly knew we’d never date anyone else again. Oh, and he didn’t care about anything I had ever been. He just wanted to love me like Jesus.
Fast forward to March 21, 2011. On that day, three years after the day I had always hated and regretted, P proposed to me on a beautiful beach with no one else around. It was PERFECT. And, as you can imagine, I became completely overwhelmed by how God had so strategically put us in that place on that very day. I knew His redemption was perfect and that he was certainly using my future husband to show it to me so clearly. I can’t count how many times I’ve been able to share that with friends and complete strangers the past few years. God has asked me to use my story to bring Him glory….and I’m doing my best to follow through with that as many times as he’ll give me the opportunity.
Now I can get back to Clomid and this month. I’ve been waiting all week to get a positive ovulation strip (it predicts you’ll ovulate in about 24 hours on average). I was starting to worry that the month I should have the best ovulation because of this medicine, I wasn’t even going to ovulate at all! But, lo and behold, today I got a very clear positive. Phew! That was a good lunch break surprise!
I got back to work and when I sat down at my desk it dawned on me. Tomorrow is when I’ll likely ovulate. Tomorrow is March 21st and is exactly 3 years since Philip proposed. WHAT!!!!! I just know that this is going to be another chapter in my testimony. We have been praying and praying and praying. “God, when is it going to be your timing?” Well, call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure this is it. You see, God wants to move in our lives so we can share our testimony with others. The day our child is conceived could very well be 3 (powerful number in the Bible, by the way) years since He first showed me so clearly how He was healing and redeeming me.
I’m sure some would tell me not to get my hopes up. Honestly, my hopes are up every single month and I’m making it just fine. So, here I am standing with complete faith that God is going to yet again use my life for His purpose and glory.
Let it be, Lord. I just want to be someone you can use. I want to shout from the rooftops the undeniably ways you’ve been faithful. Let this be Your timing because I can’t wait to talk about this miracle. AMEN!
If you feel led, will you join with me in prayer? Thanks a million.