Today you are a whole year old. I can’t believe it’s happened so fast and yet I look at you and see that you are becoming a sweet little girl and less of a pudgy little baby. You have this incredible ability to light up a whole room with your big expressive eyes and joyful personality. Gosh, I really hope you never lose that joy.
Truth be told, I really can’t grasp that I’m a mother. Sure, I’m your mom and you say mama and I will always break out into a huge smile when you do. However, that responsibility of being a mom is still lost on me. What kind of a mother will I be to you as you get older? I’m not totally sure. Here are a few things I want to try for…
- I am not your friend. I hope you have great friends and that you choose very carefully. But, darlin’, I’m your mom. I have to try to teach you to be a great woman of God and keep you protected from things that might harm you. That’s my very first priority in our relationship. I’m sorry if that will mean you don’t always like me.
- While we aren’t friends, I am ALWAYS here for you. I want to be your shoulder to cry on and the person who always makes time to listen to your joys and failures. Don’t EVER be afraid to talk to me, even if you are afraid I’ll be mad. Ellie, you don’t know this yet, but I’ve made BIG mistakes…mistakes that have hurt me. I want to help you avoid the ways I’ve hurt myself. But, I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. So, please, don’t ever hide from me. Helping you is far more important to me than punishing you.
- Your daddy is the most important person in my life. WHAT MOM?! DON’T YOU LOVE ME MORE?! Nope. Sorry, kid. I have and always will love your daddy first. I can promise you right now, if we manage to keep that up, your childhood will be much happier and more stable than mine was. I never want you to question our love for each other. We love you because Jesus first loved us and then we loved each other. That’s how it works.
- I want to show you how to be a worshiper. I want to see you love Jesus with a passion. I hope that you see even in my shortcomings of my faith, that I love Jesus the very most. I cannot wait to watch your journey of faith become all your own. I want everything your daddy and I do to point you towards a relationship with Jesus–even the screw-ups! We won’t be perfect!
I’ve already seen your little body praising the Lord. You know Him already. I can’t even take credit. He’s created you to love Him. It’s who you are. Don’t forget who you are.
As I reflect on the highs and lows this year, all that is left is the image of your big smile and gorgeous blue eyes. All else melts away.
I love you, Ellie.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Never take my sunshine away.”